Halfway Done!

Here are the projects so far!

I started this challenge because I reached a point in life that I was so stressed and empty. Three cross country relocations, inheriting two children in a will, an unnecessary and costly custody battle to get them, and the natural growing of our family to three boys was a lot to cover in six short years.  I’m of the mindset that when life gets hard, you just dig deeper and so I did.  Year after year, I dug deeper.  I’d rise up again and again to each challenge, but what I mined away at to gather that strength was myself.  Last summer, I came to the shocking conclusion that there was nothing left to chip away at.  I was snappy and short with everyone.  My existence was one of scarcity.  There was so little left to give them all that I clung to it and protected it.

Rebuilding is always hard.  At 36 years old, I felt silly not knowing how to fix myself and restore myself, but it was a problem I had no choice but lean in and solve.

The first question was, “What recharges me?”  That shouldn’t be a complicated question, but for me it was.  I spent months pondering that question and the usual answers didn’t fit.  Getting pedicures, massages, or girls nights out, away from the kids, generally had little to no affect.  They were nice and pleasant, but what I really craved was a creative outlet.  When I started sewing again, the pieces fell into place.

Being a stay-at-home mom is an awesome calling and a privilege, but let’s face it nothing about cleaning up the kitchen for the 80 millionth time or arguing with a four year old about wearing shoes in the winter feeds the deep parts of your soul.

Sewing, painting and gardening backfill the parts of who I am that stress and motherhood have eroded away.

People often ask, “Make me one too!”  when they see a project they like.  I know it’s a complement and I take it as such but I have to giggle about it.  In my case it’s like telling a friend on their way into see their counselor, “Hey, could you ask them about my problem too!”  I named the blog appropriately, Sew sanity.  When I sew it’s to restore and heal.  It’s to de-stress and pour in to myself.  It’s awesome that I have a lot of fun new clothes but those are just a by product of what’s really going on, restoration.

When we lived in Georgia I gardened.  It sustained me in ways I can’t express.  I didn’t realize what a powerful form of self care it had become.  People would complement me on my yard and flowers and my heart would whisper, they are watered with my tears.  They were, I planted and poured out my broken heart.  Those plants carefully collected my heartache and grew from it.  I cried so hard when I left that yard.  I left a place and a trusted haven that held me when I walked through a painful season.  In Utah, gardening wasn’t a craving I could satisfy.  Sewing has replaced it and I’m so grateful for it.

I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as me.  I’m truly loving each project and more importantly feel so much healthier than I did six months ago.  Find what restores you and pursue it, you are worth that time.

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